


GONE

by Chanbaek641



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fainting, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Purging, Rape, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 12:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17828246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chanbaek641/pseuds/Chanbaek641
Summary: Chanyeol is tired. Tired of holding on. He is so close to letting go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm warning you in advance it has bullying, suicide, eating disorders, selfharm, rape, depression etc.
> 
> So please watch out. I really don't want anyone to get hurt over this.

Chanyeol was always known as the person who spread happiness to everyone he met. People knew him as the happy virus, the person who was never upset and also the one person who could cheer up anybody, no matter what. What people didn't know was that Chanyeol was everything but what he looked like on the outside.

He was actually pretty well known among the student community, but he was never someone to care for popularity, he had more important things to do.

He was anorexic and purged if he ever ate something. He didn't deserve to eat anyway. He hated his body for being 'fat'. He was the ugliest person in the world. No one deserved trash like him.

He cut himself, hit himself, burnt himself. Why? Just so he could cope. He didn't want to kill himself, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't pray to God to give him his freedom. The boy just wanted freedom, freedom from his troubles, freedom from his depression, freedom from his  _life._

He wasn't foolish enough to cut his arms either -they were too much of a risk anyway. However his stomach, thighs and hips were littered with scars and new and old cuts.

But no one knew this- no one cared enough to see the hurt in his eyes, the eyes that were the window to his broken soul.


	2. Beginning

Once upon a time he was a happy kid, living with his parents and younger brother, Haru. He was adored by his parents and Haru looked at him with admiration because Chanyeol always played with him and helped him like a perfect elder brother. He was always in the list of the top 10 of the class and had 2 close friends, Jongin and Sehun. Both were younger than him by a year, and were extremely talented dancers. It was a pity he didn't have their skill and couldn't learn to dance to save himself. His lanky body together with his clumsy nature just did not make the best of combinations.

The three friends hung out on weekends together, going to each other's houses or to a nearby karaoke, singing their hearts out to 2NE1's latest hit I am the Best, a personal favourite of Chanyeol's because it made him feel good about himself and boosted his confidence.

Chanyeol had a deep voice which had a calming effect whenever he sang. His husky voice caused girls to swoon over him, but he had never taken a particular interest in girls. Sehun was always whining at him to just get a girlfriend already, but Chanyeol was adamant and would say that he wanted to focus on his studies and that having a girlfriend right now would be a distraction. Sehun couldn't argue with that, but that doesn't mean he would stop bringing the topic up anytime soon.

His parents had always expected him to do well but never put too much pressure on him. He loved playing his guitar, for which he had taken classes as a kid. He was extremely talented with his instruments and loved music more than his life. He liked composing upbeat tunes that made him feel relaxed and positive. Music was like an outlet for him. A place where he could lose himself, a place where he could express without being judged.

He lived in a medium sized home with his parents and Haru, where he had a small room to himself. It had a balcony too, and whenever he would need inspiration to compose or write music, he would stand in the cool night breeze of the balcony, just enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing softly on his face, instantly refreshing him, making new and creative ideas flow into his head. It was great stress buster before an exam and he had spent many a night just taking in the view of the city which looked magnificent with all its pretty lights decorating it.

But this was all a year back. Gone was the happy go lucky 15-year old Chanyeol of last year. Now he was almost unrecognizable. Sehun and Jongin had to transfer schools and were now both in different cities. They still kept in touch, but it was a little hard considering the fact that school was getting busier and homework was piling up.

Chanyeol hung out with some of his new friends sometimes, but he never really got too close to them and was bullied in school for being a loner and a nerd. He was constantly picked on but didn't want to tell the teachers. He hated any attention he got and would be extremely glad if everyone just ignored him and pretended that he didn't exist. The last thing he needed was for a teacher to notice something wrong with him. He put on a happy façade in front everyone. He was the happy virus after all. No one noticed anything wrong with him, sure he looked skinny but that was because he was naturally didn't eat too much, right? How can there be something wrong with the person who always looked so happy and cheerful to the point where his smile could cheer up even the saddest of people. The idea that something was wrong with Chanyeol was just so absurd to his friends, that they ignored the warning signs that something was very wrong and that their Chanyeol was not as happy as the person he pretended to be. They didn't notice his trips to the bathroom after eating with them at lunch and if they did question him as to why he took so long, he would just laugh it off saying that he needed time to relieve himself. Who would think that he would be going to put two fingers down his throat? Or course no one would care if he was tired and drained after purging out all the contents of his stomach. Of course no one would care if he was hurt by his bullies telling him to lose weight because he looked like a fat pig. No one would think that he actually believed his bullies and his friends would always say, "Can't you see you're skinny? They are just jealous of your body, don't pay attention to them. You shouldn't care about what they say. They don't know you and have no right to make a judgement about you."Chanyeol always brushed off their concerns replying with an,"I don't care about what those losers say about me, you don't have to worry at all." He put an end to the discussion by just smiling and distracting everyone with one his funny anecdotes. The 16-year old often though about how his friends didn't know him either and often wondered if they too would become like his bullies once they came to know of the real him.

No one needed to know how much those bullies hurt him. He believed all that they said, cutting down on the little food that he had been consuming, so that he wouldn't be fat anymore.

He failed to realise that he was becoming dangerously underweight and would soon collapse if he kept this up.

No one knew that the bullies would beat him up in the washrooms when no one was around, taking care to hit in places like his stomach, where the bruises wouldn't show. They are the only people who know about his self harm because they had once removed his shirt while beating him up. After they had seen the cuts he became even more of a target for them. From then on, they would make sure to remove his shirt and send insults his way, making sure he knows how pathetic and useless he is.Today was no different. They caught him just as he was about to leave the washroom and go home for the day.

"Please leave me, I will do anything you want me to.", he managed to choke out as the 3 people were sending punches his way, barely letting him catch his breath between two punches.

One of the bullies, the leader of the gang, just sneered at him. "Are you sure you are willing to do whatever we say?", he asked in a threatening tone.Chanyeol gulped in nervousness but tried to keep his voice as stable as possible, answering with a yes. Suddenly he felt a flash and looked up in shock, realising what had happened within moments. One of the them had taken a photo of him, without his shirt on and all his self harm on display.

The gang leader looked at his sorry state in amusement."Think of this as a collateral. If you don't agree to what we say, this picture is going to be circulated in the whole school, and I will make sure that every single person in this school knows how disgusting you really are."

"What do you want me to do?" Chanyeol was now extremely scared but at this point there was nothing he was desperate and could do nothing but accept whatever they had in store for him.

"Meet us on Friday at 6:15 in front of the supermarket near the school. And make sure no one comes to know about this or you know what is going to happen with this picture." They gave him one last blow to his stomach, sending him down to bathroom floor, watching with pleased expressions as some of the newer cuts started bleeding again. They threw his shirt to him, as he sat coughing and out of breath on the floor. As he heard the door slam, he remained on the floor for a few more minutes, sobbing. He wasn't worried about anyone finding him because the last bell had rung ages ago and everyone had probably already left for their homes. 

He slowly stood up on wobbly knees, wincing as his cuts burned. He wore his shirt with great difficulty and finally left the bathroom to head home, his mind reeling with the events of today.


	3. Byun Baekhyun

Chanyeol walked home that day feeling weak all over but that wasn't what was bothering him. He was more worried about what he had promised to those bullies in the bathroom. He had absolutely no idea what they were going to make him do.

The boy let out a frustrated sigh. He walked down the road pulling his backpack closer to himself, trying to feel warm as another cold winter breeze blew, making him shiver. He felt so lonely, so alone.

He finally reached his apartment, where he could afford a small shabby room to live in. After all he now lived alone after his parents and brother had abandoned him. He couldn't blame them, he was a useless piece of shit. A failure. No one deserved to put up with such a pathetic person. He doesn't want to put up with himself either.

He took the lift and pressed the button for floor number 9 and leaned against the elevator's walls.  _Why am I always a burden? Can't I be useful for once in my entire life? Why do I always let everyone down? Why am I like this? I'm sorry-_  The ting of the elevator pulled him out of his thoughts. He pushed himself off the wall of the elevator and walked out, looking at the ground.

BAM! He landed with a loud thud on the ground. Books are scattered every where. Chanyeol looks up in surprise and sees a boy that looks about as old as him, apologies flowing from his mouth and then holding a hand out to help him up.

Chanyeol accepts his hand in a daze and uses it as support to pull himself up as he winces from the stinging of the cuts and the bruise that is quickly forming from when the bullies hit him today. "Are you okay?", a worried voice enters his ears. "Yeah I'm fine. How about you?" He looks up at the boy as he nods."I'm really sorry I wasn't looking where I was going because all these books were blocking my vision. I hope you aren't hurt too badly." Chanyeol is surprised at the concern the boy is showing."No. I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going either." He said, sending the boy a sheepish smile.

Chanyeol starts helping the boy and picks up the books that have spread themselves all over the floor. Once they are done, Chanyeol asks the boy if he needed help carrying all books. They certainly seemed a few too many for the small boy to carry all by himself."That would be really nice of you. I hope it won't be a bother?", the boy asked, looking apprehensive.

"Oh not at all! Where do you live?" Chanyeol sent him a smile, reassuring him that it really was no trouble. Even though the smile was fake(he couldn't remember the last time he smiled genuinely),the boy looked relieved. "I live in room number 912. Thanks for helping me out."

The two boys set out carrying the books towards room 912, and the boy balanced the books in his hand as he dug his keys out from his pocket. The boy had a button nose like that of a bunny's and Chanyeol noticed that it scrunched up as the boy tried to jiggle the keys into the keyhole. Once he was done the boy kicked the door open with his leg and signalled for Chanyeol to enter. 

The room was neat and tidy. It was also bigger than his. The boy kept the books on a table near the entrance and Chanyeol followed suit. "Thank you. I don't think I could have managed that without knocking into at least one more thing on my way here. May I know your name? Mine is Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun."

"My name is Park Chanyeol. Nice to meet you Baekhyun."

"Nice to meet you too, Chanyeol." Chanyeol notices how his smile is shaped like a rectangle, showing him all his teeth. He looks with envy at how happy the boy looks, knowing that he is sinking in the depths of depression. He forces a smile once again and bows as he leaves Baekhyun's room to turn to his own room, which just happened to be opposite to the room he just left.

"Oh! You live opposite to me!" Chanyeol lets out a small smile and a nod."Yeah I do. When did you move in though? I haven't seen you around before." 

"Oh I moved in just two days back. You probably didn't see me cause I was pretty much at home all day. Had to arrange all the stuff and everything." he replied.

Chanyeol responds with an expression of understanding and twists the knob to his room, entering with a small sigh, closing the door behind him. It has become so much harder to act like everything is okay lately, and everything is just weighing him down so much, crushing him.

He has no option but to pretend. He is good at it, but sometimes he wishes he didn't have to. He puts his bag down on the floor, thoughts of the bullies plaguing his mind again. He still has a few days to go until Friday, today being a Monday.

He quickly changes his clothes into his uniform for the cafe he works at. He hadn't realised that he was getting late, and he panics as he looks at the time his watch his displaying."Damn! I will have run to make it on time." He muttered under his breath and ran out of his room, despite how tired he was.

He absolutely cannot afford to be late to work, otherwise his boss was most definitely going to deduct his pay from his already meagre salary. He was barely managing to keep up with the apartment's rent as it is. He rushed out of the building, running down the street towards the cafe. It usually took him 15 minutes by walk but he would surely make it in time if he continued at this pace.

He managed to reach the cafe in record time, greeting his boss, while gasping and trying catch his breath. He could see black spots in the corner of his vision. He hadn't really eaten anything the whole day, and the lunch had ended up in the toilet bowl. He knew the lack of food was taking a toll on his body but this had to be done so that he wouldn't look like a pig anymore. He sat for a minute and his vision cleared up. Then he set about taking orders and delivering them to the tables, flashing a large smile at all the customers.


End file.
